Drop the Idea of Deserving What You Desire

—video transcript—
I’ve recently dropped some phrasing that is used really commonly in so many aspects of our everyday lives. That phrasing is “I deserve… dot, dot, dot.”

When we talk about deserving something, we often then allow something that isn’t helpful to ourselves. Think of it. I can speak for myself and I can observe others allowing indulgences because “I worked hard and I deserve it.” In long term, that thing does not serve us well. Whatever that deserved thing was didn’t help in the long term. Also, the concept of deserving can imply a hierarchical structure that comes from perhaps an unseen, unknown source. Who decides who deserves what? What authority set this scale of deserving? It can be so arbitrary, kind of this unspoken framework that we’re living in. And yet we don’t even know the source or the determination of how we end up deserving something. Or if we’re bestowing something that is deserved, how did we earn that authority?

I just find it not very helpful overall. And as I look at myself creating new opportunities for myself, striving to go for what’s next, I really decided I didn’t want to live in this construct of deserving. Instead, I’m choosing to just admit I desire certain things and that I’m flat-out gonna go for those things. It’s not a matter of having deserved it because I worked so hard, or I’ve been paying my dues for so long, or I followed some construct of being good for a season of time. I’m just admitting there are certain things that I want to go for, that I want to challenge myself to attain, that I simply want the things and therefore they should be and are open to me. They are out there for me to reach out to, to move forward toward.

In line with this way of thinking in which I’m ditching the concept of deserve. I am also embracing the language of inviting. I recently heard a great podcast that talked about the concept of changing out…it comes from Esther Hicks, who was one of the, if not the first, founder of the concept of the law of attraction…speaking about moving away from the language of achieving and accomplishing and inserting the word allowing instead. So—when you look at someone who’s been very successful or who is at a level that you desire to reach professionally, in a relationship that represents what you presume you might want or desire—instead of saying, “look what they achieved or accomplished,” use the word allowed instead. I thought that was a really cool thing to illuminate, this switching out accomplished with allowed.

And then I looked at moments in my life where I feel like there was certainly a synergy between what I was pursuing and the opportunities that revealed themselves. (And some may call that the law of attraction. I am welcome that line of thought, but I also know that there are more dimensions to that simple construct.) And I realized not only did I allow the next, new exciting thing to come to me, but I also invited it. So that language going away from I “deserve,” to “I allow, I invite.” And then as things come, I throw out the welcome mat.

I look at some really cool times in my life in which external circumstances led me to make big, bold moves. It wasn’t necessarily just outright survival mode, but things got disrupted enough that I knew it was time for a change. And I know now, with all my life experience, I always knew God threw out the welcome mat for certain things. And I acknowledge that my energy and my willingness to go forward and to allow those things served as co-creation of those opportunities.

In some instances, in many instances in life, I see a lot of people say, “why won’t God show me the way? What does God want me to do?.” I’ve even seen people pray “who does God want me to be?,” and I think that is a handoff that’s unnecessary. We get to choose. We get to desire, we get to allow, we get to invite. We don’t have to wait around to deserve based on someone else’s or some other entity’s or organization’s construct. We can just go for it.

What a beautiful, freeing, amazingly liberating way to approach life! I just desire certain things. I’m ready. I’m allowing, I’m inviting. And that welcome mat will be in its place when I go on my intuition and my intention to recognize what’s a good fit and where I want to head.

Consider this for your own life. I’m finding it a really helpful, fresh approach for myself.
Thanks for being here.

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